Total Surrendering into Connectivity

For many years I grasped the phrases:

All relationships are equal.

Be in the present moment.

I am a reflection of Source.  I AM Source.

Recently I was presented with the idea of ‘Permanent and Comprehensive Healing’.  This is realizing that Objectivity cannot be achieved without surrendering constructs and surrendering mental constructs cannot be achieved without Objectivity.  What the what???  

Do I have to forgo all of my relationships?  Geez!  I had already broken apart my marriage, my roles of wife and mother. What else do I have to do???  I was so afraid and so frustrated.  Nothing I did was ever enough.

I didn’t want to give up my relationships with my husband, Jerry and granddaughter, Emery.  That was the essence of my fear.  There were other smaller things I wanted to hold onto, but those were the main source of conflict.

Taking care of Emery while her parents were on a short trip, I witnessed how she is always truly in the present moment.  Every. Single. Moment.  I wanted to be that!  I always told myself I was in the present moment.  And to be fair, I have had those moments, scattered and fleeting as they seem to have been.  Over the years there were more and more of them as if I was flexing a muscle that was getting stronger and stronger.  However, it was not a constant state of being.

For a week I flipped back and forth between working on releasing the continuous ‘trying to figure it out’ and having Objectivity.  Mostly I wanted to keep things status quo so I didn’t have to give up anything.  Finally, I decided I had had enough!  To heck with all of it!  I will no longer be a wife, mother, grandmother or even be a part of CoCreate Global!  All of the balls could drop and I no longer care.  I give it all up for however long it takes!!!!

In a Zoom with Wendy and Stacie, I realized all of it.  The light went on.  It started as a flash in my head and traveled down my arms and torso down to my feet-the entire body had a lightness of being…

I don’t have to ‘give up anything’.  I just flip how I perceive my reality.  Each thing/person/relationship/event is an opportunity for me to learn.  I see how Emery is showing me how I am not in the present moment.  I am not here for her.  She is here for me!!

Now I am  looking at each moment and seeing/wondering what is being presented to me to learn.  Total flip!  

Jerry shows such patience; with me and others.  Where am I being impatient, with him as well as others?  And where am I being patient?  Now I see how it is putting Betty first, not so much in how I interact with the world.  Now I realize what is in my world is a complete reflection of me for me.  For me to learn, grow, discover. 

Curiosity.  Wonder.  Adventure.